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Managing your Emotions in Marriage

Excerpt from The Purposed Wife book

By Dana Randolph

Being a woman who is uniquely made, we are known as the weaker vessel. We were created to be our husbands help and to also birth nations. We are gifted with everything to properly build our home. We come in all shapes and sizes. As a woman after God’s heart and the heart of our husbands, scripture has given us so many ways to conduct ourselves as a wife. I know it was not something that I was born into. I knew growing up I desired to be a wife, but I did not truly know the meaning behind the wife’s role. I knew about cooking and cleaning. I used to imagine caring for my home and children. What I didn’t know was that the role of a wife entailed so much more. I had to learn how to keep my mind right in even the most difficult situations. I had to learn and recognize that my emotions were adding to most of the issues. I realized if I could just get my emotions in check, I could walk as wife more efficiently and effectively. Trying to live up to what the Bible has laid out for us can be very challenging. It’s not easy caring for a home and children, being your husband’s partner, while simultaneously holding down a full-time job and working on the things God has gifted to us. All of what we carry can be heavy and weigh us down, leading us to become emotionally and spiritually drained. How can we get to a place where we are not running off our emotions, but out of wisdom and understanding? We get there through continuous prayer and focus. Not focusing on the current state, but focusing on the outcome we desire.

When I consider different emotions, I think of happy, sad, angry, disappointment, hurt, fear and being anxious. Although there are so many more to consider, the ones I listed are most common in marriage. Let me give you a biblical example about being anxious. Sarai is someone who caught my attention when trying to get myself under control. She was a very honorable woman in the sight of God. She birthed Isaac who was the promise. Well, let’s go back a bit and look a little deeper into this. Sarai, was married to Abraham, and Abraham was prophesied to by God that he would have a son and his name would be Isaac (Genesis 17:19). It obviously was taking too long because Sarai became very anxious and decided to take matters into her own hands. She told Abraham to sleep with her servant Hagar so that she could become pregnant and have a child for them. “Sarai was Abram’s wife, but she did not have any children. She had an Egyptian slave named Hagar. Sarai told Abram, “The LORD has not allowed me to have children, so sleep with my slave. Maybe she can have a son, and I will accept him as my own.” Abram did what Sarai said” (Genesis 16:1-2). Well her request, because she was impatient and acting out of emotion, became manifested. Hagar then birth a son named Ishmael. This actually caused a bit of a mess. Hagar began to think she was better than Sarai and Sarai spoke to Abraham about it. “Abram slept with Hagar, and she became pregnant. When Hagar realized this, she became very proud and began to feel that she was better than Sarai her owner. Then Sarai said to Abram, “My slave girl now hates me, and I blame you for this. I gave her to you, and she became pregnant. Then she began to feel that she is better than I am. I want the LORD to judge which of us is right.” But Abram said to Sarai, “She is your slave. You can do anything you want to her.” So, Sarai was cruel to Hagar, and Hagar ran away” (Genesis 16:4-6). Do you see what acting out of emotion can cause? All because she was anxious and did not trust God’s timing. She even blamed her husband Abraham. He only did what she asked because he wanted to please his wife. All of that could have been prevented had she trusted God and waited. Ishmael was blessed, but Isaac held the promise. The Bible even tells us “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

Sarai is another example of how the enemy uses women; she allowed her mind to think that she would not be able to have children, although it was promised to her husband. She took it upon herself to move ahead of God’s timing. Thankfully, God kept His promise and word to Abraham. We must learn to not get into our emotions when following our husbands as they follow Christ. If God gives our husband a clear word, we might not see it or understand it at the time, but we should trust it and pray that God sees it through. Now, if there is something you don’t feel good about, let your husband know then take it to God. He will intercede on your behalf if it is something that is detrimental to your union or each other. The one thing we must understand is God does not move based on emotions, He moves based on wisdom. “O the depth of the riches both wisdom and knowledge of God, how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out”. (Romans 11:33).

Below are 5 ways to redirect emotions in a positive way.

1. Try not to react first.

2. Always think things through.

3. Process your feelings.

4. Pray and ask for wisdom and guidance.

5. Our emotions may be valid, but we still are responsible for the proper delivery.

Above is a chapter excerpt from my latest book The Purposed Wife. To order a copy please visit our store.

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